Pervert Oven

© pagan wanderer lu 2010

Straw Donkey

Ladies and gentlemen... the book burners!
The robber barons of the global media
convinced a nation of slow readers
to elect a donkey in a straw hat

Like the one they bought in spain
where they had such a nice holiday
sorry what was the question again?
da da da etc

ain't no doubt it's plain to see
there's only two things wrong with democracy
one - the politicians
two - the people who elect them
and yes the education system's falling to bits
but dumbing down the press isn't gonna help it
no

Just like the kids on reality TV
He always knew it was his destiny
to represent his constituency
now he can buy himself a new hat

We now use the same duff information
when putting the choice to the nation
of politician or singing sensation
all the kids sing hallelujah

ain't no doubt it's plain to see
there's only two things wrong with democracy
one - the politicians
two - the people who elect them
and is this how we're making things more democratic
throw puckey at the wall and see what sticks?
oh

and for every old man who rants down the pub
and doesn't cite his sources
the riposte I endorse is
show me
yer bibliography

GBP/GbV

Like magpies with gold cards we buy
Intelligently designed
by the gods of commerce
To spend until it hurts

Ruled out Yahweh with a telescope
And with him any hope
of an afterlife
so spend as if you're never going to die

This used to be a great country
but we had to rob a lot of people to get there
and there's always a danger
that the great British public will become self-aware

Use drama alone to decide
the battles we should fight
road safety facts
don't bump terrorist attacks

And we lose more jobs to ignorance
than we ever will to immigrants
how does electric work?
It’s just planets in the wires

If they replace manual workers with robots
and replace office workers with software
it wouldn't lessen the danger
that the great british public would become self aware

The Ballad of Big Eggo

here I come to save the day
I'm back to take my rightful place
and prevent the destruction of youth culture
by the little punk who stole my crown
with his spiky hair and black and red jumper
there's a new sheriff in town

i wanna be back on the front page
with my harmless antics on display
winning back the hearts and minds of young people

there's nothing wrong with being stupid and nice
and wanting nothing more than a simple life
but by burying your head in the intellectual sand
you facilitate a culture in which corruption is the norm
I'm here to make you understand
that it's the reason why this nation is going to the dogs

when it should be going to the ostriches
I'll have a new generation in stitches
my humble ambition is to become a role model

i wanna be back on the front page
with my baffling antics on display
winning back the hearts and minds of young people

and when I turned up 50 years later
they made me into a great big joke
wasting away
in a retirement home

i wanna be back on the front page
with my baffling antics on display
winning back the hearts and minds of young people

Jhavishna

Jhavishna comes from a mystic place
Sweet angel with a bearded face
And we go
To Jhavishna for help

He can heal your mind body and soul
At a price that will make a hole
In your wallet
But it’s worth it
You bet

Women fall for it hook line and sinker
That he can make them less of a minger
By unleashing
The light
From within
Which they do
By having sex
With him

Anne Marie is 23
She needs help with creativity
So she goes
To Jhavishna
For help
He says inside her
Is a novel
That will sell

The only way that we truly create
Is to commune with a higher plane
Which we do
By taking
Drugs

Have you got money?
Then go buy some for us

Go Jhavishna!
Guru! Guru! Guru!

Mr Jones has terminal cancer
In desperation he goes for an answer
To Jhavishna
Who says ‘go, for your health,
To the Bahamas
And I’ll come as well

‘Out there amidst the sun and the sand
I will touch you with my healing hands
And the difference
Will be plain
To see
It will take
Two weeks
Call it three’

After two weeks for perfect weather
Mr Jones doesn’t feel any better
So Jhavishna
Says ‘there is one final chance
I will perform the ancient healing chant....’

‘Omma-ya-ya...’ etc

The next day Mr Jones was dead
Jhavishna turned to his family and said
‘I could have helped him
If he truly believed
In the healing powers
Of me’

‘Go me’.

Jhavishna goes home every night
Replaces toe-rings with a shirt and tie
And he watches himself on TV
Interviewed by Richard and Judy

Judy explains how when she feels like a swig
She simply gives Jhavishna a ring
And he tells her, that inside her is a light
(inside her is a light)
That will make everything alright
(what a big fat pile of shite)

Go Jhavishna!
Guru! Guru! Guru!

All lyrics written by Andy Regan
©2010